As is the custom in many English-type pubs, The Old Toad features a weekly quiz. I’m sitting in its midst.

“Oh fun,” you say. “A barroom trivia quiz.” how much lighthearted entertainment that must provide.

Excuse me while I upchuck.

The Old Toad’s quiz is like taking your SATs. The questions are impossible (Who was the Prime Minister of Portugal from 1832-1841, etc.) It takes an hour to administer a 20 question examination. It takes a second hour to review the friggin’ answers.

And the quiz takers are more competitive than, well, something really competitive. They’re all grad students and shit, and hair is removed from scalps after every incorrect answer.

Bottom line, it’s a fun evening, providded you’re two bars away.